sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
