I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
