she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
