I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
