just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
