this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
