I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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