**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
