I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
