Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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