just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
