I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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