I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
did i just pee glitter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
