I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
