i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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