He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
