theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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