If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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