I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
