oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and she was petting her beer can
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
