Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I touched a dick in church today
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
