My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
