Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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