I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
