Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i think my cat just said my name.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
