I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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