sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
