The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
