i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
