Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
