Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
