Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
