guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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