I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
