Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
