FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
