I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
