I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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