I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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