Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
