You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
