Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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