Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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