peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
