just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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