Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
