All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
