I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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