just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
