I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
