There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
